Every Stephen King Movie, Ranked From Worst to Best. Stephen King’s work has been adapted so many times — sometimes by King himself — that it’s impossible to find a single unifying thread in all of the film adaptations.

Sure, a lot of them are horror (certainly a lot of the worst are horror), but that’s largely because the boom period for King movies was the 1. As his canvas (and reputation) has expanded over the years, his work has been turned into dramas, comedies, musicals, and even a Bollywood movie. Because of this dissonance, ranking King movies is particularly difficult: The Mangler and The Shawshank Redemption barely seem to exist on the same plane of dimensional existence, let alone on the same list of movies. But nonetheless, with the latest King adaptation, It, opening this week, we gave it the old college try. For the purposes of this list, we looked at theatrical releases only, and excluded Lawnmower Man, an “adaptation” so vastly different from the original that King sued to get his name off it.) With one notable exception, you’ll find the adapted movies turned out much like King himself: They got more serious and substantial with age. Maximum Overdrive (1.

The one movie King ever directed, and … well, you know, Stephen King is a wonderful writer who should probably stick with writing. The movie’s tone is set in the opening scene, in which a man (played by King) tries to take money out of an ATM, and the ATM calls him an asshole. Apparently, a comet has passed by Earth and given mechanical objects sentience, and once they attack humanity, Emilio Estevez helps lead a human resistance. The movie isn’t even absurd enough to have fun with this lunatic premise, and King has zero skills as a director — visually, narratively, or in any other sense. King has called it the worst adaptation of any of his works, and we are not about to disagree.

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Though, according to King: “I was coked out of my mind all through its production, and I really didn’t know what I was doing.”3. The Mangler (1. 99. Of all the Stephen King adaptations, we must confess that this one has our favorite title. Boy, though, is this thing ridiculous. What, exactly, is “the Mangler,” you ask?

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Well, the Mangler is a demonically possessed … laundry press! This setup leads to hilarious scenes of an angry laundry press pressing up and down, like a hungry, hungry hippo.

Eventually the Mangler develops legs and starts chasing people. It’s all terrible, but, you never know, it might be your thing.

Maybe you’re into laundry- press cosplay. You do you. 3. 8. Graveyard Shift (1. Graveyard Shift is as schlocky as low- budget horror films get. Its premise: Overnight workers at an abandoned- then- reopened textile mill keep dying, and no one can figure out why.

Wanna guess why? We don’t want to give it away. All right, they’re being killed by … a giant bat! Because bats hunt at night, you see. In the short story, it’s a giant rat.

Bats are much more cinematic.) This movie looks like it was made for about $3. Riding the Bullet (2.

What was a thin, simple premise in King’s novella — widely considered the world’s first e- book, by the way, in 2. Director Mick Garris is an old King hired hand — he directed several of King’s straight- to- TV movies, including The Stand and the version of The Shining that had Steven Weber, of all people, in the Jack Nicholson role — and he tries to make this into something much more portentous and profound than it really is.

Sleepwalkers (1. 99. It’s Mick Garris again (this was actually his first collaboration with King), hacking away at another King movie, this time with an original script from King. What are “Sleepwalkers,” you ask?

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According to the Stephen King Wiki, they’re “an ancient and forgotten nomadic race of vampiric shape- shifting werecats.” In the movie, they’re an incestuous mother and son who need to feed on virgin blood, and … well, you can probably guess where it goes from there. Amusingly, the Sleepwalkers cannot survive contact with simple house cats, which leads to all sorts of ridiculous scenes of our bad guy screaming in horror at the sight of Garfield. This movie is probably most famous for being terrible, but secondarily for having all sorts of horror- movie cameos, from King himself to Tobe Hooper to John Landis to Ron Perlman to Mark Hamill to Clive Barker to Joe Dante. Silver Bullet (1. Considered faintly ridiculous when it came out, Silver Bullet looks even worse now; the special effects and creature makeup are bad even for a horror movie from 1. Need proof? How’s this?

Directed by Harold Ramis. With Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliott, Stephen Tobolowsky. A weatherman finds himself inexplicably living the same day over and. I Am Eighteen features 18 year old pornstar wannabes - with proof of age, in their first hardcore sex scenes. Watch free previews of 18 year old sex here. Watch A Perfect Murder Megavideo.

They really might have been better off just having a guy carry a mounted bear head around. You do have to admire a movie that casts Gary Busey as the doting, protective father … but only a little. Cell (2. 01. 6). The second teaming- up of John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson in a King movie crashes and burns in a dumb cautionary tale about … well, about how cell phones are going to kill us all by sending a signal that turns us into murderous monsters. King wrote the book early enough (2.

Our smartphones have come up with far more creative ways to kill us today. Dolan’s Cadillac (2. This is not a documentary about a fancy American car belonging to the Knicks owner, though you have to admit it wouldn’t be that surprising to see that show up at MSG some summer afternoon. Instead, this is a slight, limp crime thriller starring Christian Slater and Wes Bentley — years before each faded star would make a comeback — based off an old King short story that even he had probably forgotten. Watch Loose Change 9_11: An American Coup Dailymotion. The movie tries to be a grindhouse schlockfest, but can barely work up the energy. This got a brief theatrical release before zipping straight to video, and has only ever been brought up again in lists like this. Cat’s Eye (1. 98.

This was made back when horror anthologies were all the rage, and King was at the center of them. The gimmick here: There’s one cat that connects all three stories, two based off Night Shift stories and one written for the film by King. The biggest star at the time was Drew Barrymore, fresh off not just E. T., but also Firestarter.

But the best performance in the best vignette comes from James Woods, as a man who is so desperate to quit smoking he will try anything. The movie feels pretty dashed off, and it’s more reminiscent of The. Twilight Zone’s whimsy than it is scary. But there is a cat.

Needful Things (1. You wouldn’t think a moral fable about a possibly demonic shop owner (played by Max von Sydow!) wreaking havoc on a sleepy small town, pursued by heroic sheriff Ed Harris, could possibly be bad — but, alas, it is. With a better director than Fraser Clarke “Son of Charlton” Heston, Von Sydow’s whimsical evil would have had menace and wit, but this plodding film has neither.

How do you make Harris and Amanda Plummer boring? It’s really hard! Needful Things somehow finds a way. Creepshow 2 (1. 98. The sequel doesn’t feature George Romero behind the camera (though he did write the screenplay), but it’s still based on King stories — albeit lesser- known, less- fun ones than the original. None of these are as scary or as inventive as in the first film, though “The Raft” — in which horny teenagers get devoured by a creature from the deep lake in which they’re swimming — makes us squeamish still today.

This one did poorly enough that it would be 2. Romero nor King were involved. The Night Flier (1. One thing King hasn’t written a lot about is journalism and media (at least, not until Twitter and the Donald Trump administration).

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